Honestly, I can't stand these PoliSci kids

I just was walking through my mobile HQ. We call that thing the McCruiser. It's basically a motorhome. Lots of people have commented on how many houses I have. Well, now that I've seen the inside of a motor home, it's like I'm a new man. I don't even want to win this election. I want to drive to Rushmore, and eat at Denny's. You know you can get a Grand Slam for under $10? Anywhere in the country? Jesus. It's mind-blowing.

Anyway, I was walking through the McCruiser and noticed a few of our speechwriters working on the acceptance speech for Sarah. I know, it's not in the bag, but what if we win? You can't write that thing the night before. It's like obituaries at newspapers, they prep them for all celebrities so they can print ASAP.

So anyway, they were arguing over how many 'doggoneits' and 'shucks', and one of them says 'Let's chart this up. I want to know what the doggoneit to total word count ratio is currently, and make sure we stick to it.'

So, that's what you're working on? Really? Fuck. No wonder we're losing in the polls. I'm completely surrounded by fucking nitwits.